From the middle

Next Tuesday will mark three months that I have been in Peru.  At this mid-way point in my internship, I find myself in the middle (middle child!) of feeling worn out and feeling motivated to keep going, of feeling burdened down from the painful realities of the shelter and feeling joyful and excited to spend another day at the shelter, of feeling homesick and feeling content and at home here.  Thus, from the middle, I write this rambling but honest update.     

For the past month, I have spent a lot of time at the shelter, staying extra days during a visit from volunteers from the U.S. and during all of Holy Week.  Throughout this past month, I have had such a mix of joys and struggles (that’s all of life though, isn’t it?).  I am so thankful for all that God has been teaching me.  One of the most repeated, but desperately needed, messages is the following:  “Sara!  Stop trying to do all of this by yourself.  Come to Me in your despair, in your excitement, in your hurt, in your impatience, in the mundane, in all that you do, wherever you are.  Prayer is so powerful and necessary—take breaks throughout the day to be still before me. Dwell on my Truth and share it with others.  In everything, be grateful.  Trust me and do not fear, for I am with you!”  In the big and small, God always shows Himself perfectly faithful.  I am especially reminded of His faithfulness when I see rainbows like this over the hills surrounding the shelter.

 

Now, to a little more specifics, I will share some of the “big and small” and the “joys and struggles”.  Granted, it will be scattered, and please forgive my rambling.  Still, I hope the random puzzle pieces can come together to form a glimpse into all that I am doing and experiencing here.    

About a month ago, a group of university students from North Carolina came to volunteer at the shelter for a week.  It was interesting to observe a short-term experience at the shelter from a longer-term perspective.  While I do support and see the value in short-term “mission trips”, I am so grateful to be at the shelter for six months to understand the work, the challenges, the situations of the kids there, and what the day in and day out work in this setting looks like.  The group painted some of the kids’ rooms, worked in the garden at the shelter, and played with the kids (volleyball!).  I definitely was amused with the infatuation of our girls with the three college-aged guys of the group ;)  I enjoyed talking to the group, asking about their lives, and sharing about my time here.  Thank you Lord for bringing a group!

Bonfire with games and dancing performances on the group's last night

 

For Holy Week, Ana (intern from Brazil in the area of pastoral care), Ashley, and I planned special activities for each day of the week (Monday-Sunday).  We had a LOT of time of the kids that week because they did not have classes, so while it was tiring at times, we enjoyed the extra time with the kids that we don’t always get working during the school week.  Some of the daily activities we planned (and collaborated with the staff on) included devotionals, crafts, preparing a theatrical act, watching movies about Jesus (including Narnia :)), and recreational activities. 

On Wednesday of that week, we got to take a little trip into Huánuco to go to a restaurant for “pollo a la brasa”, which was such a special treat for the kids! 

Basically, rotisserie chicken, french fries, salad, and kethup/mayo/ahí sauce

Thursday night, Ana led us in the Lord’s Supper with our homemade grape juice.  Taking part in Communion with these young women I love so much was a special experience.  We also washed each other’s feet, following the example of Jesus before the “Last Supper”.  Everyone did not want to participate, but that night was still so meaningful.  Ana encouraged us to wash the feet of someone that we love very much and/or someone that bothers us or has caused us pain.  I don’t know how much the girls understood or took from that night, but I hope they all took the opportunity to reflect, confess, and thank Jesus for His sacrificial love, which is an example for us to love one another as a reflection of Jesus’ love.  On Sunday, we had a beautiful worship service together, culminating the week’s focus on the love of Jesus with a message about the invitation of Jesus to each of us to trust Him in a life-transforming relationship.  Our prayer for all of the women, adolescents, and children that enter the gates of the “Casa de Buen Trato-Hovde” is that they would come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior.  Deep healing from abuse and real life changes from today on can only happen when they are in a true relationship with Jesus.  That is our prayer! 

Although I loved spending a full week at the shelter, I can’t say that it was all an easy joy ride.  For one, it is very hard to find alone space/time at the shelter.  Someone was always coming up to ask for markers, to sit and talk, or to do a favor (“Sarita lindita preciosa, un favor…” “Beautiful, precious Sara, can you do me a favor?”  Butter me up before they ask haha).  Truly, I love times to sit and talk with them and to help out wherever I can, but little breaks are so necessary for me to love and gladly serve at these opportunities rather than resent them.  Also, I realize how easy it is for me to get caught up in the world of girl drama, insecurities, and arguments between the kids.  I have to stop and take a breather to pray for wisdom, patience, and confidence in the Lord.  He alone can bring the peace we need!  While I sometimes have the mentality that I need to be working, serving, and present at all times, I will dig myself into a hole pretty quickly if I do not set up boundaries and take breaks. 

Thus, after a long 10 days, I definitely came to appreciate the built-in break/change of scenery in my weekly schedule (i.e., coming to Huánuco Friday-Sunday).  I was so grateful to come back to Huánuco last weekend for rest, alone time, and company with other people (here in Peru and in the U.S. :)).  Also, a package from my sister timely brought me a book on a subject matter I really need help on here and wherever I am—Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.   I have such a hard time setting and maintaining boundaries, which becomes especially evident at the shelter where I am surrounded with so much need and so many people 24/7.  While I mess up in this area over and over again, I am encouraged and challenged to continue on, not out of fear or guilt but by the grace of God.

These past few weeks, I have begun to feel more and more burdened down by the stories and realities of the girls (and one boy) at the shelter.  Why, Lord, have they suffered such horrible abuse?  Why do they have families that don’t support or care for them?  How can they heal?  How do I respond when they talk about their pain, their anxiety, and their self-hatred?  What will happen with them when they leave the shelter?  My heart breaks for the situations at the shelter.  After reading some of the files and talking to the girls more, I understand why the staff at the shelter says that the most severe cases of abuse come to the shelter.  I struggle in the balance between treating them like my own sisters (full trust, openness, sharing, etc.) and interacting with them with caution, strict boundaries, suspicion, and oversensitivity.  I ask for your prayers that the wisdom and love of the Lord would permeate all my interactions with the girls. 

I have hugged some of them while they cried.  “It’s so hard to be here sometimes!”  “I’m tired of being with so many people.”  “All the rules bore me and get on my nerves.”  “I miss my family!  When will I go home?”  We’ve looked at the stars together, seeking the peace and perspective the God’s creation brings.  When their energy/nerves gets so high, I’ve run little laps to the gate and back with the younger kids.  With the tutors, psychologists, and other residents, we’ve tried to sort through conflicts and fights between the kids, adolescents, and women.    

One night, one of the tutors and I sat down with two of the kids (13 year-old girl and 12 year-old boy) to talk about their constant fighting and hitting.  We were having so many problems with the both of them for the past week, so I asked one of the tutor if we could pray before going to talk to them; dealing with their attitudes, outbursts, and fighting seems impossible at times.  We prayed for wisdom, love, and patience.  While they did not have an overnight transformation, I praise God for His Faithfulness and trust in His Ways and His Timing.  We had a good talk that night with them about treating others like we’d want to be treated.  The tutor asked them, “Did you like how your dad hit you?”  “No,” they both said.  “Why do you hit others then?  Don’t follow the example of your father!  Treat others with love and respect.”  Why do I try to handle these situations by myself?  I know I repeat this a lot, but I will say it again:  God did not make us all-sufficient and isolated; He made us to be in relationship with Him and to be in relationships with others.  Please pray for the peace, love, healing, and hope of Christ to fill the hearts of women, children, and adolescents of the shelter.  My heart breaks for the situations at the shelter.  After reading some of the files and talking to the girls more, I understand why the staff at the shelter says that the most severe cases of abuse come to the shelter.  I struggle in the balance between treating them like my own sisters (full trust, openness, sharing, etc.) and interacting with them with caution, strict boundaries, suspicion, and oversensitivity.  I ask for your prayers that the wisdom and love of the Lord would permeate all my interactions with the girls. 

In the midst of difficult confrontations with pain and suffering, I want to emphasize the ways God revives and sustains me.  One of these ways is dancing and laughter.  No day goes by at the shelter without dancing and/or laughter.

Having a little fun/disorder (as the some of the stricter tutors say ;)) at dinner

Ana (pastoral intern), me, Isabel (tutor), Mireya (psyc intern), Ashley

Also, the daily time I have with the adolescent moms and their babies (Early Stimulation/Mother-Baby Bonding) is refreshing and fun.  I’ve been teaching the moms “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”, which they have a hard time pronouncing but still love singing in English.  We also set up a straight line of tape and pulled a toy in front of them to help them with crawling ;)  Hilarious.

Daily hugs and greetings from the kids are so encouraging and sweet—definitely filling my hug quota, if there is such a thing, though I must admit I get a little over-filled some days!  Still, these sweet hugs and words far outweigh the negative interactions.

As I have mentioned in other posts, conversations and emails with friends and family back home over the weekend encourage me so much.  So, thank you!  Also, the past two weekends have been filled with heart-warming tastes from home.  Some of those “tastes” came in packages from my family, which included gum, sour candy, peanut products from Dothan, Mom’s favorite chai tea mix, and honey.  Also, one morning, I had breakfast at a friend’s home here in Huánuco, and I taught them how to French toast, which is definitely one of my favorite breakfast foods :)  They are such a kind family, as well as my host family.  I am grateful for the feeling of home and family, especially on days that I am missing my family. 

In addition, I greatly appreciate conversations, daily debriefs, prayers, laughter, working on projects, and speaking in English with Ashley.  I didn’t realize what an encouragement it would be to have Ashley.  Once again, I am reminded that God knows our needs better than we do!  As she heads back to the U.S. to finish out her senior year, I definitely will miss her at the shelter and with our family in Huánuco.  Whether she wants it or not, I’m sure I will be sending little messages here and there about frustrations, updates on the kids, greetings from someone, etc.  ;)

I did the hair flip for Mrs. Julie :)

To windup this post from the middle of my six months here in Peru, I want to thank God for the opportunity to be here.  I fully believe that God has called me here, and He provided and continues to provide for every step of the way.  Next weekend, I will travel to Lima with Ashley for a three-day retreat of sorts with Fiorella (our volunteer coordinator with Andemos and good friend!).  This “retreat” serves as a time of rest and reflection as Ashley prepares to transition back to the U.S. and as I reach the halfway point in my internship.  Then, on the 23^rd, I will fly to Uruguay for four days to renew my visa…but much more than visa renewal, to visit three good friends there—Abby, Jen, and Annika.  I’m looking to forward to visiting them very much :)  On the 28^th, I’ll head back to Peru for the next three months!  Other good travel/visit news...Mom and Heather are going to come to Peru the second week of May!  I’m so excited to show them around Huánuco, introduce them to the shelter, go on little adventures with them, and share in this special place with them. 

View of the shelter (red roofs) from the farm nearby (Granja Lindero)

Adolescent girls house

That’s all I have for now :)  Thank you once again for reading and for your prayers!        

Pretending to drive the bus of the shelter ;)